Dear Judgy mum,
Yes I did see you not so subtly staring and tutting across the room from me. Presumably you were doing so because my toddler was enjoying a babycino and some cake and you don’t approve.
Well all I can say is bugger off! You have no idea about me, my children or my life and how dare you judge me like that and make me feel shit about myself. Trust me I need no help to feel shit about myself recently.
It’s really easy to judge other people when you know nothing about them or their situation.
As you sit across the room smugly in your size 6-8 gym gear having just finished a run with your baby and pram, baby munching on organic rice cakes and you drinking a large water and no doubt a (decaf) coffee!
What you don’t know is that I have been suffering with postnatal depression and struggling with juggling two children under 2, my baby hasn’t been sleeping and my toddler craves constant attention (as toddlers do) every waking moment and I’m emotionally on the edge!
What you don’t know is that today has been a good day (well up until your tutting anyway). I managed to get both children fed, washed and dressed and myself by 9.30am, and I even had a shower. I had succeeded in getting us all out of the house by 10.15. I had even managed to go for a walk for my toddler to indulge in his current favourite pastime of blackberry picking and amazingly my usually bad sleeper of a baby slept the entire time.
What you don’t know is that though this probably seems like nothing to you, this means the world to me. I was winning, winning at being a mum, even if it was only for today.
And so I decided to reward myself with a coffee and cake, and also in order to avoid going home and facing the shit tip that is my house at the moment and piles of washing.
I was sat enjoying my coffee and cake, with my toddler Hayden next me being really good having his babycino and cake and baby Austin sat in the pram next to us happily playing it was a moment of bliss for me… BUT then you walk past with your side glances and tut and I immediately feel like a crappy mum.
Perhaps I am being over-sensitive about it, and perhaps I misinterpreted your sideward glances and disapproving looks. This could be the case, and if that is true then I’m sorry but I doubt I did perceive it wrongly.
If it was meant how it seemed,
Let me tell you now though I don’t think there is anything wrong at all with children having the occasional (maybe more often than that) treat. It doesn’t make me a bad mum, it makes me human. I need to have an occasional break and if that means giving my toddler a babycino and cake so that I can enjoy the same in relative calmness then that’s what I am going to do. Hayden is a great little eater, and almost always has his 5 fruit & veg a day.
I suspect that you don’t have 2 children yet but if and when you do I’m sure you will understand more, or I certainly hope you will. We all make judgements about people we see that we don’t know, hell I definitely judged you as one of those gym bunny hippy dippy healthy living everything organic mums, and that’s ok. But what isn’t ok is letting those subconscious preliminary judgy thoughts affect your actions. It’s not ok to stare, glare, tut, make comments or treat them any differently than any other mum, or any other person even. Because you never know what that person is going through or how your actions may affect them.
What I do know is that i’m not going to let your actions affect me anymore than they already have. I know that I am doing my best.
We are all mums and we are all doing the best we can for our children.
Yes we will all have different opinions about things and do things differently, but so what! Life would be pretty boring if we all did the same!
Lets try and all not be a judgy mum
Plus who wants to live without cake???
Not me or my boys thats for certain!
Sorry for the rant! Just needed to get that off my chest.
Do you think I being over-sensitive about it?
Has anyone had any similar experiences?