To Austin on your 1st Birthday!!

Austin I can’t believe you one already.

What a year it has been! A lot has happened and changed in our lives this year.

I still remember so clearly the day you came, and how it didn’t quite all go to plan, with you needing to come out the proverbial sunroof and all! But you were just perfect, you would never have known you’d had the cord wrapped around your neck twice and were in the wrong position. Your a complete champ!

 

It has been a hard year for us and our relationship in particular. Having a second child, I had worried right from the start about getting the balance of attention right between you and feeling the same towards you as I did Hayden.

 

Not straight away but from relatively early on, I did struggle bonding with you, and if I’m honest I resented you at times, for the way you needed me and wanted only me so much and how that took me away from Hayden. I know that’s a horrible thing to say, but it is honestly how I felt at the time. But at the time I was struggling with postnatal depression and anxiety which I am still coming through now slowly but surely. All I can say is that I am so sorry, and I  still feel incredibly guilty about it and probably always will.

 

 

You are a real character, definitely not a meek little brother by any stretch, you are feisty and give as good as you get, which I think is pretty impressive considering how big hayden is for his age!

 

You are such a wriggler, and hardly ever want to sit still. Getting you dressed is often a SAS level challenge. You love dancing whenever you hear music on, and I’m sure Mike hopes you will be a little raver like him!

At first we thought you were a bit grumpy in nature (like your dad!! lols) and it was quite a contrast as Hayden has always been super smiley from a young age. But time was all you needed, and you soon started smiling and laughing a lot. You maybe do have a bit of resting bitch face though (if that’s possible in babies!)

 

When you were rushed into hospital unwell at less than 2 weeks old, it was probably one of the scariest moments of my life and one that I never want to repeat! Not surprisingly I’ve been quite protective of you since.

You have had almost a permanent cold/runny nose since birth, which I put down to the joys of an older sibling in nursery, but your quite a trooper and just get on with it really! (not like your mum im afraid, I admittedly am more of a wallower!)

 

One of my favourite things about you iis you are a super cuddly baby! Admittedly I did find  this hard when I was really struggling with PND but now I really cherish all our Mummy and Austin snuggles! We co-slept for quite a while, and you love nothing more than snuggling into someone!

You love food, but are more fussy than Hayden, and less keen on fruit and veg, a bit like your uncle Chris! More of a meat fiend! Hopefully we will get you eating more than just potatoes and carrots though!

 

You are very stubborn, and already have mini tantrums when we take something away you wanted or stop you going near the oven or sitting on the dishwasher door! I am actually dreading how this will develop as you approach two!

 

You love Hayden, and he loves you.You do fight sometimes but seeing both your faces light up when you see each other in the morning, or hearing you both giggling away at god knows what, melts my heart everytime!

You are very chatty, and seem to do quite a bit singing, well it’s reasonably tuneful anyway so we think its singing!

 

I know it has been a hard year, but I think we are coming out of the other side of it now. I

can’t wait to enjoy this next year with you, and watch you start walking and chase Hayden around.

 

I love you so much my little Austin Bear!

Happy 1st Birthday!!!!

 

 

To my baby on your first birthday.How much has changed in just 1 year of age. How I have coped for the first year having 2 children, a toddler and baby.

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