So it’s a been a while since I’ve written a blog post, though not for the want of trying though I have to say.
I just haven’t felt like writing for a while or talking I guess (strange for me I know!). The problem with that was the more I didn’t write, the harder it became to start again.
But as part of a blogging facebook group, I was challenged today to set myself a limit of 45 minutes to write and publish a blog post! This has given me the push I needed certainly, and having that accountability with other people definitely helps with the motivation, motivation not to fail and motivation not to look silly to others.
I have to say this is quite a challenge for me, normally I go back and forth with writing posts, especially the more personal ones, and probably overall each one would take several hours to finish.
Why I have been so quiet lately?
As you may or may not know, I returned to work as a part-time GP trainee (currently on a hospital rotation) at the end of Feb this year. I was very anxious about returning for several reasons, not least because my mood and anxiety was still quite up and down at times.
Needless to say it hasn’t gone as I had hoped, which resulted in a bit of a mental meltdown. I am currently signed off work by my GP, and in regular contact with occupational health and my CBT therapist. I have increased my antidepressant dose again to 150mg Sertraline. Things are starting to improve gradually since being on this higher dose for almost 2 months now. Although one thing I will say is I am not enjoying the Hot flushes that I’m getting on this higher dose, especially in the current weather! I’m pretty much permanently soggy!
I think probably one of the reasons why I found it so difficult to write this post was having to admit that things haven’t been going as well for me at the moment. The feeling like somehow it’s my fault and that I have failed. It much nicer and easier to write things were hard but I’m better now kind of thing.
I worry that by writing about struggling either at the time or a bit later that people will think I’m just looking for sympathy. One of the things that writing does for me is it allows me to untangle some of my thoughts and thinking, and acts a a type of therapy.
Perhaps I should have been keeping a journal in my adult life up til now may have helped. Who knows?
Anyhoo, not much of a blog post really and a bit random but it was more about breaking the seal/ripping off the plaster kind of thing for me. Even as I am typing this last sentence, I feel like an imaginary weight has been lifted, and I can start to enjoy writing again.
If there are any particular topics you would like to read about from me, whether that me more family posts, lifestyle, mental health or anything really please just let me know, either in the comments or drop me a message on social media.
Thanks for Reading!