Dear Judgy mum,

Dear Judgy mum,

 

Yes I did see you not so subtly staring and tutting across the room from me. Presumably you were doing so because my toddler was enjoying a babycino and some cake and you don’t approve.

 

Judgy mum

 

Well all I can say is bugger off! You have no idea about me, my children or my life and how dare you judge me like that and make me feel shit about myself. Trust me I need no help to feel shit about myself recently.

 

It’s really easy to judge other people when you know nothing about them or their situation.

As you sit across the room smugly in your size 6-8 gym gear having just finished a run with your baby and pram, baby munching on organic rice cakes and you drinking a large water and no doubt a (decaf) coffee!

 

What you don’t know is that I have been suffering with postnatal depression and struggling with juggling two children under 2, my baby hasn’t been sleeping and my toddler craves constant attention (as toddlers do) every waking moment and I’m emotionally on the edge!

 

What you don’t know is that today has been a good day (well up until your tutting anyway). I managed to get both children fed, washed and dressed and myself by 9.30am, and I even had a shower. I had succeeded in getting us all out of the house by 10.15. I had even managed to go for a walk for my toddler to indulge in his current favourite pastime of blackberry picking and amazingly my usually bad sleeper of a baby slept the entire time.

 

Judgy mum

 

What you don’t know is that though this probably seems like nothing to you, this means the world to me. I was winning, winning at being a mum, even if it was only for today.

 

And so I decided to reward myself with a coffee and cake, and also in order to avoid going home and facing the shit tip that is my house at the moment and piles of washing.

 

I was sat enjoying my coffee and cake, with my toddler Hayden next me being really good having his babycino and cake and baby Austin sat in the pram next to us happily playing it was a moment of bliss for me… BUT then you walk past with your side glances and tut and I immediately feel like a crappy mum.

 

Perhaps I am being over-sensitive about it, and perhaps I misinterpreted your sideward glances and disapproving looks. This could be the case, and if that is true then I’m sorry but I doubt I did perceive it wrongly.

 

If it was meant how it seemed,

Let me tell you now though I don’t think there is anything wrong at all with children having the occasional (maybe more often than that) treat. It doesn’t make me a bad mum, it makes me human. I need to have an occasional break and if that means giving my toddler a babycino and cake so that I can enjoy the same in relative calmness then that’s what I am going to do. Hayden is a great little eater, and almost always has his 5 fruit & veg a day.

 

I suspect that you don’t have 2 children yet but if and when you do I’m sure you will understand more, or I certainly hope you will. We all make judgements about people we see that we don’t know, hell I definitely judged you as one of those gym bunny hippy dippy healthy living everything organic mums, and that’s ok. But what isn’t ok is letting those subconscious preliminary judgy thoughts affect your actions. It’s not ok to stare, glare, tut, make comments or treat them any differently than any other mum, or any other person even. Because you never know what that person is going through or how your actions may affect them.

 

Judgy mum

 

What I do know is that i’m not going to let your actions affect me anymore than they already have. I know that I am doing my best.

We are all mums and we are all doing the best we can for our children.

Yes we will all have different opinions about things and do things differently, but so what! Life would be pretty boring if we all did the same!

Lets try and  all not be a judgy mum

 

Plus who wants to live without cake???

 

Not me or my boys thats for certain!

 

Yours sincerely

 

Mummy Gummie

 

Sorry for the rant! Just needed to get that off my chest.

 

Do you think I being over-sensitive about it?

Has anyone had any similar experiences?

 

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7 Comments

  1. Lucie
    September 7, 2017 / 7:51 pm

    Sorry you were made to feel like that, you’re right – we probably all think it but we definitely shouldn’t ever show it. You’re doing a great job, two under two is really hard (I have an 18month gap between mine, who are now 2.9 and 1.3), hang in there and have all the cake!! Xx

  2. Adele
    September 7, 2017 / 8:33 pm

    I absolutely admire your honesty about feeling depressed and the struggle of having two young children.
    I wonder , the lady clad in gym wear , giving the sideways glance .. perhaps she Felt under pressure to have her gym bod and judged by others so much that her child farts rice cake dust ? She might not have been tutting at you but more her own frustrations. I expect she would have loved a bit of cake !
    Don’t get me wrong , when you saw the “look” (Iv had plenty myself so know the feeling well)
    She might have been a jumped up gym mama
    Making judgements…
    turning it around , have we just judged the gym mama ..
    I have always struggled knowing that I can’t control how others think of me – but actually it doesn’t matter. Hold on to your good day ! Picking berries with your toddler whilst the tiny one naps , a coffee a bit of cake . Let that consume your thoughts and not the tiny sideways glance.
    Sending loads of mama hugs !
    And fair play to you ! Up and dressed and all before afternoon nap time – not sure I can manage that. I have now bought “lounge wear” so I can look dressed in the odd post man at the door situation

  3. Caroline Gumn
    September 7, 2017 / 10:42 pm

    Well done for getting it off your chest and. Don’t allow the feelings you jhad today set you back. You have two gorgeous boys who in turn have caring, loving and fun l mummy and daddy. Love you loads x x x

  4. September 8, 2017 / 12:59 am

    You are doing an amazing job, it is sooo hard to have young kids and no sleep! I know: I had three under four! And I did indulge in coffee and babycinos because they made me feel good and allowed us to have special time together, whereas at home there was *always* something that needed to be done (laundry, dishes, etc)! Keep on moving forward, love your babies and bring your thoughts back to the good parts about your day, whenever you catch yourself thinking of the incident! Also, give the lady the benefit of the doubt! She could have been thinking of anything else that made her look like she was giving you evils! 😉 🙂 ❤️

  5. September 8, 2017 / 11:54 am

    You do not need to justify yourself to anyone. We all know getting everyone up, dressed and out the house is an achievement in itself, and if you want to go and enjoy coffee and cake with your little ones that is your choice and no one has any right to judge you. You are doing amazingly, don’t let anyone else make you think otherwise. Sending you humungous hugs, Katie xo

  6. jacs
    September 8, 2017 / 11:59 am

    I love this post <3 I have had 2 under 2 (now, 2 and not-quite-4) I had an incident at a soft play where my mum-friends left before I had rounded both of my two. Eldest refused to come down, but I couldn't leave the 1yr old unattended. The amount of stares and looks I got as I tried to get my 3yr old to comply without making a scene was awful. If just one mum could have said, 'I'll hold your little one, you go get him' I would have been saved. No one offered to help. I tried putting little one in the sling to go and retrieve him, but couldn't fit the pair of us into the soft play zone. In the end, I had to let loose th 1 yr old and climb through several layers of soft play to retrieve my 3yr old. Then I had a panicked look around for the 1yr old who had of course wandered off into the cafe. One of my worst parenting moments I think!

  7. September 10, 2017 / 1:37 pm

    Let them eat cake I say!! Take the wins when you can get them and don’t beat yourself up over the lows. Every Mama is doing what she thinks is right and probably questioning her parenting skills as much as the rest of us. Some are just better at hiding it than others. x

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